Thursday, May 19, 2011


Ive had 3 deaths in my family in the past month and half along with a deployment starting. One was just a few days after my husband left  it being his step-dad who lost his battle with cancer. A few weeks later it was my mothers boyfriends mother and no just a few days ago my grandmother lost her battle with cancer.

Death is something thats hard to explain to a small child in my own opinion, And at first i didn't tell my oldest about his papaw dieing. After my husbands mothers getting onto me about it i did the best i could and told him papaw went up in the sky with the stars. This being the only person he really knew/cared about ive dogged the bullet with the last 2 deaths.

All of this has become over whelming and i believe my body is reacting to it with a rash. I look horrible and itch like crazy. The best advice i can give to someone in this kind of situation is to just let it all out. If u need a break ask a friend to help watch ur child(ren) or something. Im very glad to have the friends i do who would be here at the drop of a dime for me if i need them. They have been put up with my bitch moods for the past few weeks. All of this has fallen on me within the last month and half. A husband who went to a far away land and then 3 deaths on top of kids who love to stress their mother out can be a lot on someones plate thats for sure.

As i called in an order of flowers for my mothers funeral yesterday i hurt that i have to rely on my mother to make sure they get there and are beautiful but its a price i pay for loving my soldier. Im very glad my family understands (well to a point) that i cant be there for everything and they dont hold it against me something i know some families do to people. Maybe not being around all this is helping me in some way get use to the idea of these people not being in my life anymore. The one thing that does bother me is my grandmother never got my meet my youngest. The last visit i had she was in the hospital sick and my family wouldnt let me bring him around which is understandable. I just hope now that hes in a better place she can look down on him and enjoy every minute she wants with him. Watching over all of us helping us make it through this life.

Miss Me But Let Me Go - Unknown

When I come to the end of the road
and the sun has set on me,
I want no rites in a gloom filled room,
why cry for a soul set free.
Miss me a little--but not too long,
and not with your head bowed low,
Remember the love that we once shared,
miss me--but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take,
and each must go alone.
It's all a part of the Master's plan,
a step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart,
go to the friends we know.
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds,
miss me--but let me go.

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