Thursday, May 19, 2011


Ive had 3 deaths in my family in the past month and half along with a deployment starting. One was just a few days after my husband left  it being his step-dad who lost his battle with cancer. A few weeks later it was my mothers boyfriends mother and no just a few days ago my grandmother lost her battle with cancer.

Death is something thats hard to explain to a small child in my own opinion, And at first i didn't tell my oldest about his papaw dieing. After my husbands mothers getting onto me about it i did the best i could and told him papaw went up in the sky with the stars. This being the only person he really knew/cared about ive dogged the bullet with the last 2 deaths.

All of this has become over whelming and i believe my body is reacting to it with a rash. I look horrible and itch like crazy. The best advice i can give to someone in this kind of situation is to just let it all out. If u need a break ask a friend to help watch ur child(ren) or something. Im very glad to have the friends i do who would be here at the drop of a dime for me if i need them. They have been put up with my bitch moods for the past few weeks. All of this has fallen on me within the last month and half. A husband who went to a far away land and then 3 deaths on top of kids who love to stress their mother out can be a lot on someones plate thats for sure.

As i called in an order of flowers for my mothers funeral yesterday i hurt that i have to rely on my mother to make sure they get there and are beautiful but its a price i pay for loving my soldier. Im very glad my family understands (well to a point) that i cant be there for everything and they dont hold it against me something i know some families do to people. Maybe not being around all this is helping me in some way get use to the idea of these people not being in my life anymore. The one thing that does bother me is my grandmother never got my meet my youngest. The last visit i had she was in the hospital sick and my family wouldnt let me bring him around which is understandable. I just hope now that hes in a better place she can look down on him and enjoy every minute she wants with him. Watching over all of us helping us make it through this life.

Miss Me But Let Me Go - Unknown

When I come to the end of the road
and the sun has set on me,
I want no rites in a gloom filled room,
why cry for a soul set free.
Miss me a little--but not too long,
and not with your head bowed low,
Remember the love that we once shared,
miss me--but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take,
and each must go alone.
It's all a part of the Master's plan,
a step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart,
go to the friends we know.
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds,
miss me--but let me go.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Why must kids always get into/do what you say not to!

I've learned the more i tell my kids not to do something the more they go and do it behind my back. Ive also learned that unless it has to do with them they want no part in doing anything else. Take my 3 year old (only) daughter. Today while i was out buying items at the commissary i bought my husband some sugar cookies to put in his care package. Well my daughter got into the sugar cookies and ate two of them without me knowing it. The one thing i didn't want her to touch out of that whole box she does. They matched my theme so well (cant say because hubby will read this haha).

Another example is my 5 year old son (oldest of the bunch) will not do anything unless it has to do with himself. He will bug me and bug me for something til i get it done but if it comes to getting his sister something he will not do it til i tell him 2 about a million times later.

Ive learned the older my children get the worse this seems to be. Some days i just wanna pull my hair out but then i think of all the good things they put into my life and for some reason the good over rules the bad. I joke with my husband that there should be something called parent abuse because i get it a lot.

I guess what i need to realize that my mother keeps telling me is they are just kids and u acted like that when you were little as well. All though i get to put into account they have their daddies blood and well he apparently was a monster when he was little lol.

All i gotta say is i cant wait for summer to get here and thank god my bedroom door locks if i need about 10 seconds to myself.(that is if i can have it without a certain little girl trying to beat down my bedroom door because she cant get in)

im sure many of you can relate to this. i just remind myself that my daughter is a daddies girl and that since he cant be here im suppose to put up with her until she can get it out of her system by "fighting" with her daddy. something that shes so use to and i cant do right lol.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Ive Realized

As an army wife i've always know/understand there will be times when ill become a "single parent". As im walking my 2nd deployment ive learned the more kids i have the easier time will fly. What people forgot to mention was the more chaos happens as well. As i get on the comp and talk to my husband about the day he sits back and laughs. When we are talking and i tell him hold on one of the kids is beating up the other or the baby is crying he either laughs at me and says ok or gets upset that im taking time away from him. Honestly some days id like to trade places with him just for 5 minutes. I just wanna show him that yes he is in danger but man do i have horrible days too.

He understands kids are hard but hes never around when everything happens. Like the 20 million times ive fished toilet paper out of the toilet due to a little girl deciding one square wasnt enough. Or when im holding a baby 24/7 because he decides sitting on his bum isnt good enough but at the same time doing house work. Or how hard it is to carry a child plus boxes and make sure 2 other children are behind me as im trying to walk into the post office/open doors.

i guess what im saying is my kids screw with my head a lot, but i wouldn't trade it for the world. All the dark circles under my eyes, the 20 million hairs that fall out will never replace these "single" parenting moments i in an odd way cherish.

So if u see someone like this help her out. You dont know her whole story, you dont understand what shes fully going through (even if ur are a military spouse. all situations are different) we are a community of one and need to keep it that way. She might not be able to say thank you right away, but in her heart she is thinking you with everything. A simple opening of the door is kind enough (trust me).

So as i start this journey on this blog during this deployment im sure ill laugh some times about my kids and cry others over things they have done. But in the end they will keep me sane during this hard time in our lives and help me make the best of this not so fun situation